An Open Letter to Budinski's.

Dear Ever Present Advice Givers,

I am walking down the street and you cross my path. Clearly, I can see you are fat. Does that make it appropriate to give you advice on your weight? Should I tell you in a hushed, overly sweet voice that maybe you don't need that second cookie? Should I tell you my cousin's best friend's uncle's neighbor once was fat and they did weight watchers and now they look great? Should I give you a list of all the health benefits of losing weight?

The answer is no. That would be considered rude, right? But, why isn't it just as rude to give me advice about my child? Isn't it exactly the same thing? Just because you can see I have a kid, does not mean I want your opinion on how to parent, soothe, feed or care for my kid.

In fact, when you offer me your unsolicited advice I turn down the volume on the conversation and start playing last night's episode of Friends in my head. So, if I am smiling and nodding it's just because that Chandler is so damn funny. Not because I think that your crossing a boundary with me is okay.

To be honest, I don't appreciate any unsolicited advice of any kind. I don't give it and I don't accept it. No one knows how to live their life better than they do. It's just a fact.

So, here are six short rules on giving me advice:

1) Did you give birth to me/my husband?

If you did not give birth to us, please don't try to parent us. We each already have one set of parents to irritate, we don't need or want another. We do not want your advice.

2) You did give birth to us but we are over 18?

Nice work, you have some awesome kids. But, if we are a legally adults, we do not want your advice.

3) Do you pay our bills?

I happen to believe if you accept someone's financial help, you are somewhat obligated to taking their opinion. We currently pay our own bills, but if you would like to send us money to start taking your opinion, e-mail me and I will send you our home address.

Other than that, no, we do not want your advice.

4) Where you a party to the conception of our child?

Unless you were one of the two people who "did the damn thing" and sent his swimmers to meet my egg, we do not want your opinion.

5) But I am the child's Aunt/Uncle/Grandparent/Cousin/Admirer on the Street?

Congratulations, you have a truly remarkable Niece/Grandkid/Cousin/Object of Affection. We still do not want your opinion.

6) I raised a child 30+ years ago and had the very first addition of "what to expect when you are expecting" which was etched into stone like Moses' tablet. Does that mean I can give you my advice?

I am very happy that you had a child and that you learned something from it. Please wait 7-10 days for your official "it's awesome to be you" certificate to arrive in your mailbox. But, no, we still don't want your advice.

There is only ONE, and I mean ONE exception to the above rules....wait for it...

WE ACTUALLY ASK YOUR OPINION!

Look, I don't know everything. My husband, also doesn't know everything. And, neither of us is too proud to admit when we don't know something. In fact, we rely on experts when we have choices to make for our daughter. We research things in books and on the inter-webs. We seek advice from a variety of people we trust who we deem to be a expert on the subject. But, because you saw my kiddo cry in the frozen foods aisle of Tesco doesn't make you one of those people.

If you stopped to consider the sheer scope of comments any new mother gets in a day, you would realize that advice can become very annoying not to mention confusing. If I listened to every person who blurted out some random tip I would be conflicted because 9/10ths of the advice people give contradicts one another.

Child-rearing is not a one size fits all adventure. Every family, baby, circumstance, culture and dynamic is different. Each one requires it's own way of being. The people who know what that way of being is right for said child would be their parents. And, just because you did it differently doesn't mean we are doing it wrong. Learn this now, and it will serve you your whole life through- there is more than one way to skin a cat.

You may think I am an asshole for feeling this way. I cannot say that will keep me up at night. In case you haven't figured it out by now, I generally don't care about someone else's opinion is of me. But, if you would like me to care you can send your hate mail along with your payment (per rule number 3) to my home address.

Thanks,

The Management.