Day Care- Settlement visit 2.

Today was Skylie's last settlement visit before she goes full-time at day care on Monday. I had been preparing myself all day yesterday for what it would be like this morning. We decided Stewart would carry her in and hand her off, because I would not be physically able.

On the car ride there I felt sick. To combat my focusing on myself, I talked to Skyler about all the things that my working will be able to do for her. I told her about private high school and college and her first car. I reminded myself that my sacrifice today was paving a way for a better tomorrow for her.

When we arrived we met her care worker in the hall. I went over the two page, bullet pointed sheet I had prepared with complete detail. I used my "work voice" and got down to business. After she had been debriefed on all things Skylie, we walked down the hall to the baby room. I never knew a human heart could hurt so badly. Stew handed Skylie to the caregiver and she began to cry. That was my cue, I ran into the hall and sobbed.

Stew came out, hugged me and promised me a LV agenda for work for being brave. We went to the hall and had a coffee. Workers offered me hugs and support. I cried and stopped. I cried and stopped. I cried and stopped.

Skyler's unit leader came out and said Skyler was unsettled. She would cry and stop and cry and stop. She asked if I wanted to go back there. But, she also let me know it would be harder on Skyler. I suggested an underpants change and a bottle. I told her to come and get me if that did not work.

In the meantime, a manager came and took us on a formal tour of all the areas. There is a sensory room to calm, a music room, a dance studio, they have weekly exercise classes, art time, football classes, an outdoor play area for each age group. As we walk through all the rooms all the kids were smiling, playing, laughing and learning. They were genuinely happy.

At the end of the hour, I raced down the hall to the baby room kicked off my shoes and bounded in. Skyler was playing in the corner. Sitting up in a teal Bumbo alternating between a wooden toy and gazing at herself in the mirror. She was content and smiling.

Content and smiling until I picked her up and took her away from her toys. And, then she cried. I didn't get the big smile or warm greeting, but I can't say I cared. She was okay and let's be honest, in this motherhood business, how you feel pales in comparison to how your kid feels.

I am still dreading Monday. And, I still wish things were different. I hope that Miss Skyler will show that same strength and adaptability on Monday. And, I truly hope by the grace of God that her mother can be led by her example.